How to Lighten a Heavy Heart
/The other day I met virtually with some dear friends. Although we had vowed to avoid any COVID talk, the conversation came around to it. As I listened to words coming out of my mouth I realized I’ve been trying to stay positive and optimistic without also noticing the sadness. I want to acknowledge mine, and yours as we continue to face pandemic fallout.
I think it’s important to recognize what “sad” feels like in our bodies so we can take compassionate steps to alleviate it. For me, it’s an ache inside. My chest feels heavy and my shoulders droop forward. My upper back feels bent into a bow. Perhaps sad feels different in your body or maybe you recognize some of those same expressions in your form when sadness strikes.
When we can look into our heavy hearts with compassion we can then begin to lighten the load. As we move into February, a month traditionally associated with love, let’s not forget to be compassionate towards ourselves.
Dr. Kristin Neff, a self-compassion research pioneer describes self-compassion as no different than compassion for others. If you see someone in pain, you acknowledge it and generally want to help.
It is just as important, if not more so, to recognize your own suffering and treat yourself with the same kindness and love you would treat someone else with and find ways to ease your own suffering.
So if you’ve been having bouts of heavy heartedness, notice, and then be kind to yourself.
Dr. Neff points out that self-compassion has three components:
Self-kindness vs. Self-judgement. If you’ve been telling yourself something like; “I don’t have it so bad, I shouldn’t complain, I still have a roof over my head and food in my cupboards” it’s time to release self-judgement. Rather than criticizing yourself for “complaining” be warm and understanding towards yourself. This is a hard time. You are hurting no matter what your particular circumstances are.
Common humanity vs isolation. One thing the media has been doing well during the pandemic is pointing out that we are “all in this together”. We are all humans feeling the pain of putting our lives on hold. Whatever you are feeling, someone else is feeling that exact same way. You are not alone.
Mindfullness vs Over-identification. Here’s where Dr. Neff points out the importance of finding a kind of equilibrium or balance. She stresses we cannot ignore our pain and feel compassion for it at the same time. However, she cautions us to avoid getting swept away by “negative reactivity.”
I find this 3rd point important because it asks us to avoid getting completely chewed up and swallowed by the painful emotions. Instead, we can look at them with an intention of understanding or “witnessing” them without judgement.
I like to think of this as seeing the pain but not being the pain. Rather than ignoring what hurts us, we can see it, understand it and then begin to care for ourselves in a way that helps us gently move through it.
So, if your chest is feeling heavy at times and breathing feels tight and restricted, I am offering you a few things you can do to lighten your heavy heart.
I hope this brand new video series gives you relief if you are struggling. Some of these offerings come from my own toolbox but I’m also sharing two things from Kelly McGonigal, a psychologist, researcher and author I respect and admire for the work she does in the science of compassion.
Do all or just a few of these things but what ever you choose, do it softly. There’s nothing to strive for. All of these practices are 2- 5 minutes long. You can do them individually or create a little ritual of self-compassion for yourself. All of the image links below connect to my YouTube channel. Please share this blog if you find it useful!
I suggest reading through the short descriptions and explanations below before clicking on the links that bring you to the YouTube practices which you will see at the end of this blog.
Restorative heart openers. There are three supported yoga postures that open the chest, free up the breath and lighten a heavy heart. It’s a good idea, whether you do one posture or all three to end your practice by pulling your knees into you chest in a loving squeeze and then lay out flat in savasana for a few minutes to let the body fully integrate the restorative effects of the poses in a neutral position.
Breathing to nourish you heart. These two breathing techniques use visualization to help you release tightness in the chest area. You could add this after you rise up from your restorative posture or postures.
Mudras & mantras to lift and enliven your heart and chest. I offer three heart lifting hand gestures that bring more oxygen, vitality and lightness to the entire upper body. I also offer you some words of self-compassion you can use with these hand gestures.
Heart Meditations. I want to offer a bit of background on these two meditations from Kelly McGonigal because I think she has some lovely wisdom to share.
Kelly McGonigal is the author of The Science of Compassion, The Upside of Stress and many other books and articles. She is a regular contributor to Oprah magazine. Kelly talks about the importance of being able to sustain compassion by acknowledging we are making a difference when we offer compassion to others or ourselves. She describes compassion (either for ourselves or others) as a process that involves first recognizing that someone or you yourself are suffering, having the desire to alleviate that suffering and then taking the actions to alleviate suffering.
She also points out that especially in times when you feel drained from helping others or you feel your own suffering is overwhelming you it is essential to find things that can restore your energy. Two of the most powerful re-energizers she says are:
Actively search out things that bring you genuine joy. Never think of experiencing joy in the midst of distress as self-indulgent. It is the thing that will help you sustain compassion for yourself and others.
Recognize compassion around you. Witness and celebrate the good in others. Know that you are in a community of compassion. You don’t have to do it all on your own. She highlights the oft-used phrase: “You alone are not the cause of suffering in the world and you alone will not resolve all of the suffering in the world.”
I hope you find one or two of the suggestions in the video series below helpful and that you can turn to these if you feel you need a little self-compassion or need to keep yourself nourished if you are offering care and compassion to others.
Stay well,
=)
Lori
